(excerpt from the New York Times, dated September 22, 2016)
The Wash, Second Life - Police are looking for two people in connection with a series of abductions at the The Wash, a prime mall location in Second Life frequented by bargain hunters.
CCTV photos released by authorities show a dark green dune buggy zooming recklessly in the narrow alleys between stores, almost sideswiping several pedestrians.
Witnesses described the suspects as a "dark dude wearing patched leathers who looks vaguely like Corey Hart with his sunglasses" and a "white female in short shorts with great side boobs".
Authorities have identified them as MK "Joisey" Malloy and Linda "Bonnie" Burnstein, notorious smugglers who have been indicted in the past for bootlegging tequila, cigarettes, and other contraband between Mexico and the USA.
Footage shows their first victim as a pretty pink haired female with a pair of bodacious bouncing buddhas, who was later identified as Melinda Nyn, a British tourist from London. Witnesses described the scene, stating that Nyn was repeatedly saying "I want you to put me down right now! Right now I tell you!" in a posh no-nonsense British accent that reminded everyone of royalty.
Additional footage obtained by the Times showed the dune buggy almost side swiping a pedestrian, who later claimed to investigators that the pair had also tried to lure her onto the getaway vehicle with promises of more 10L shopping.
"I didn't like the looks of them two in there," she said to reporters later. "The guy had gloves that had splashes of red like blood on them, and the girl had cold blue gunslinger eyes peering at me from above her round glasses."
Witnesses described the final two abductees as a sexy auburn-haired beauty "in a shiny sexy batgirl costume" and a gorgeous blond "with rocking buttcheeks!"
Authorities later released their names as Shiloh Kranfel and Sage Avedon, O-Girls from the Austin sim who had been attracted to the Wash by the ridiculously low priced items for sale.
Anyone with information on the whereabouts of "Joisey" Malloy and "Bonnie" Burnstein should contact the authorities. The reward for any information that leads to the arrest of the notorious duo now stands at 1000L, plus some free coupons for two (yes, count them, two!!!) Super Supreme Burritos from Taco Bell!
|Last known pic of "Joisey" Malloy and "Bonnie" Burnstein|
at Gangster Hideout Speakeasy