|I lead a simple life with my pre-glutton Linda.|
I also like growing my rice crop in preparation for the eventual Zombie Apocalypse that will send millions of frenzied flesh eating man-eaters swarming into the blasted landscape in search of human flesh.
|Waiting eagerly for the Zombie Apocalypse|
|Benevolent dictator pose...booyah!|
I started with a small plot with 4 plants, but these fell prey almost immediately to hordes of ravenous leprous lepus a day after I proudly showed Linda my new garden...ok ok, there was one rabbit involved, but he ate really really fast....and he had big teeth....kinda like Linda actually.
More determined than ever to pursue my goal of total global food control, I set aside a private sandbox and created new and much larger rice fields, and this time I did not give my little blond barbie the LM.
Alas, not for the first time I seriously underestimated the ingenuity and resourcefulness of truly mischievous subs!
Only one day after I finalized my fields, I suddenly received a texture from Linda, and when I opened it I gasped in shock and horror as I read the taunt "I ate all your rice!"
Gone was the slender and graceful girl who had taken my heart. In her place was a bloated caricature in a two piece bathing suit who was munching on a green stalk of rice, the rolls of fat hanging off her a sick testament to the pallets of rice that had fallen to her vile depredations.
|The Linda! I shiver looking into those pale blue predator eyes!|
When I woke up and tried to stop her, Meli sat on me! SHE SAT ON ME!!!!!!
|Hmmmpphhhh....she sat on me!!!! She sat on me!!!!|
But as I looked upon the rows of flattened rice stalks I suddenly felt a surge of determination and anger course through me, and to the strains of Max Weiner's soaring Gone with the Wind soundtrack I clenched my fist to the sky and cried:
"I'll think of it tomorrow, I can stand it then. After all, tomorrow is another day!”
|I love me southern belles!|
PS. On the positive side, I did put up the "disgustingly bloated Linda" picture in the rice fields...I figure it'll scare away the birds that are trying to steal the ripening grain.
|Even Hitchcock's The Birds fly away in fright!|